Wednesday 21 March 2012

The Trouble with Gypsy Rondo...

There is a problem. When I play this piano score as close as I can get it to how it is written, I get so tired that I can play it no more than once! Very hard to fix things when I can only play it once at a time! Need serious piano endurance training...

And guess what? I discovered that I can play the saxophone and piano at the same time. Coolio. It sort of disguises how bad my sax playing sounds :o)

Tuesday 20 March 2012

Bloody Mary

so low

House getting photographed today to put on the market. Feeling blue and not good enough on the sax to play the blues yet. Will have to mull in my sadness over Mary Had a Little Lamb - not quite the same but oh well.

Tuesday 13 March 2012

Oh no!

I'm not getting anything done because I just bought a saxophone! Squeak squeak squeak!

I can already play most of Auld Lang Syne, if i hum the notes i cant find. also i think it can be a replacement for botox lips as Im sure after a morning of experimenting my lips have doubled in size.

I always thought it was a sexy instrument!

The Mental Health System - gotta love it!

Psychiatrist:          You are displaying typical black and white thinking.
Patient:                  I think of it as all encompassing.

Psychiatrist:           Do you think you are on a mission.
Patient:                   I like to say my life has purpose.

Psychiatrist:          You're obsessing over this.
Patient:                  Im really passionate about it.

Psychiatrist:          You have extreme mood swings.
Patient:                  Im simply embracing a wide spectrum of human experience.

Psychiatrist:          You're angry
Patient:                  Thanks for pointing that out

Psychiatrist:           You are experiencing illusions - seeing and hearing things which
                                arent really there
Patient:                   Are you really here or am I an illusion?

Monday 12 March 2012

Now What?

Now that Im a Big Mother Cheffing Loser, all my dreams have come true. Time for something new - I want to be an author.

Hey, thats right, I did that already. I wrote a book - a freaking weird one. Its out there waiting for someone to buy it.

So buy it!

http://www.vividpublishing.com.au/fta/index.html

Biggest Mother Cheffing Loser

Well I now declare myself Mother Chef, not so long after my confession that I was the Anti-chef some weeks ago (a failed carrot lasagne attempt...dismal)

Soooo. Again I attempted lasagne - pork lasagne as a matter of fact. My own recipe and OMG OMG OMG!

If im not careful I may qualified for a future episode of Biggest Loser - but hey, I already conquered that one by losing a whopping 45kg in 14 months and keeping it off now for over a year.

Biggest Mother Cheffing Loser - Mummy, Domestic Godess, Beauty Queen, Princess all wrapped in one. Thats my claim and Im sticking to it!

Time to hang out the washing...

Hmmm


Two worlds

Read an article about us living in two worlds - an inside world and an outside world. My life has been more along the lines of inside out !

So today at uni we were experimenting with sweat gland responses to truths and lies, measuring the conductance of electrical charges on the skin. The theory was that if the person lied we could tell.

To cut a long story short, we created conditions where the subject's answer was meant to be a lie, but...um, the pre scripted question was "have you ever been visited by aliens". Supposing that an answer of yes, which was also scripted, could show that they were lying.

But awkies - I have actually seen little fluoro snot green aliens making their way across my bedroom ceiling. So I had a little giggle to myself, well maybe a big belly laugh after class.

Not entirely sure what or who I was laughing at - perhaps just the ridiculous situation that my experiences are so entirely abnormal that they are absurd to even me.

Anyway some sage advice if the aliens visit you too  - close your eyes and pretend that you are either dead or asleep.

Ily. (A K)

Sunday 11 March 2012

Certifiably crazy

I guess I am

Holy Shit...

Loved the movie Bridesmaids. I had my own bridesmaids experience - simply HAVE to share.

Woke up one night about a month ago, morning actually - 2am. Lept out of bed with a severely sick stomach and realised that my front door was wide open at a time I was living alone amongst vermin disguised as people who wandered aimlessly around the streets.

People of the vermin kind the least of my worries in a life of daily spiritual warfare, but whatever the invasion, not entirely welcome. Anyway was kinda topical as had spent time reading my bible that day about fellowship through church.

No time to gauge whether there were any living intruders as I flung into the bath shitting myself metaphorically AND the other way. As I suffered in an insightly mess all I could do was pray and call out to God.

What did I pray? Not to end the suffering, not to escape a violent intruder, but:

Dearest God, groan groan chuck, I would rather be doing this, chuckngroan groan, in public, like the movie, than have to vomitgrowlshitchunder, go to church.

Please don't, chunderchucklavascream, make me go to church!

Amen Amen Amen

Well now it's public - yay, I guess. I guess. yay?

Friday 9 March 2012

Assignment Earth

Imagine living life as one continuous day. Imagine living your days stuck in perpetual de ja vu...

For God's sake if it was going to be forever i wouldn't want it to be as it is now. Yes, I am happy - because I get to end each day and have a temporary life (for those intellectually challenged it means that I will die).

Eternal life is SO overrated, seriously! It scares me more than death.

Mortality? Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, amen!

Wednesday 7 March 2012

Jacqui's Modern Day Prophesies

Don't listen to gossip, except if it sounds ridiculous and let it be known.

Succeed in things by doing a mediocre job.

Follow your mission and love your purpose.

We all judge people to protect the people we love.

Life is perfect in its imperfections.

Love feels nice sometimes and hurts sometimes.

Trust and be hurt, love and be rewarded.

Hmmm


Hmmm

Hmmm

Hmmm