first i need to do a bit of housekeeping. i need to mention once again that my shift key gives me the willies because most the time it doesnt work. i know that theres another one on the other side of the keyboard - but just dont ask.
secondly, since i stepped on my laptop, i have cracked and black blodges over different portions of my screen.there is sort of a window in the middle where i can type and see what i have written. i cant see the title of this blog, but i know it has something about hell and heaven and a 'whatever' in there somewhere.
so hopefully this will eternally satisfy my need to "please explain".
about today. i know the title sounds a bit like a teenager experimenting with sex for the first time, but im way too old for that and the two kids i gave birth to sort of give away any secrets i might have in that respect. (Actually, i could never get over that "i know what shes been up to" feeling when i was pregnant. is that unusual?)
yeah, im not The Virgin Mary, although during my numerous hospitalisations i have come across a few, and some jesuses - I think i even met god once. once i heard a patient getting told off because he kept blessing people - that one was probably a saint. Then the staff, well they were the same, except they had a stronger following...
i feel like i keep losing track. i have re-read my previous blogs and i KNOW that the one I wrote yesterday, about the forcefield of grace, may have come across as being somewhat forthright. i know i do not deserve God's grace (shift works when its important btw) BUT i have to point out, that by definition that is what grace is! none of us deserve it. you cant earn it. hello - its not some sort of prize.
So the fact that i am irresponsible really doesnt matter. its not like, if i give you my grace you might not be a responsible user - God already knows im not. i am so over trying to be a good person. i just let it happen naturally these days.
sometimes i think all we have to do is whisper for help, or ask, or call out, or scream, or yell, or ... be forthright.
somewhere along the line i decided that my name, jacqui, means jacob and we all know jacob became israel - eventually (actually i only know that because i had to know why i was so important - you know having the same name and all). i would like to think im a bit more honest than the original male version of my name, but im happy to take on the good bits - and im well reference, as all good psychology students must be (meanings of names, Google, 2012).
what did jacob do before his name was changed - he battled with God. I think it was near a river or something. (im in so much trouble if i've gotten this wrong btw - to those well read theologians, im not fighting for air space here ok?).
sometimes God takes one for the team and we end up winning - like what happened with jacob, sure he ended up with a different name and a limp...but God let him win and he was blessed! so somehow, in some way, my forcefield of grace was delivered to me today, prompto!
consequently, despite me being a terrible gardener, this little seed of patience started its life in the fertile condition of the realisation that i have as much time as i need. i was given patience for my patience fruit growing - through grace. which means i have a lot of patience now for growing patience fruit, and, for all other things in my life, my seed has now become a little patience fruit seedling. awww.
...just like having a baby.
Social advocacy and the daily journey in overcoming a troubled mind.
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