Tonight sucked - totally. and i want to take this moment to passionately address some matters with you, Jesus.
Dear Jesus,
Firstly, this is not about me. What happened tonight is not about me. Why am i put in a position where i have to fight for my own rights? You have asked me to believe in you with blind faith. I have done this. i have fought for your word. I have believed in you. I have trusted in you. i have put you before EVERYTHING.
Jesus I am really angry with you. How can you let this happen when you know what is important to me? if you ask me it is not humanity who has wronged me tonight - it is you. you made me promises. there is not a doubt in the world about what is the most important to me. and this is good. this is right. this is just.
So how is it that you can just sit there and watch it happen without setting things right. i should not be paying for tonight - whether it be financially, with worry, with my time or energy. This is your problem. You set me an impossible task and then you do nothing to help me.
I know i do deserve good things and sometimes your rules really suck. you just do what you want. you make me want to scream. you say you give us things we dont deserve - well i challenge you. I do not know one human being who has lived on this earth without suffering - very very deep suffering. Every one of us. We are damned if we do and we are damned if we dont. we dont know what we are doing here - all we can do is guess. We ALL deserve good things, yet you put us on this earth together and make us enemies of eachother.
You ask God to forgive us because we dont know what we are doing - well how can we forgive Him, because you three DO know what you are doing? Forgive means to give back - well I give back all my suffering to you, right now. I dont deserve it so you can have it.
For God's sake fix what you have allowed to happen in my life. Give us clear guidance as to how we can stop our suffering - all of our suffering. This is serious for us. This hurts. This is unbearable - how can you leave our lives up to guesswork and fumbling in the dark? God, you are our true father, so protect us so that we can enjoy the beauty of the world. i am hurting tonight. i have hurt enough. And Im not the only one.
Listen to our cries. I dont want to be angry any more. Show me that you are who you say you are and bring me comfort, wipe away my tears and protect those who i love the most against heartache. Allow me to be who i am and give me my just rewards. I deserve good. I deserve good.
i am so angry tonight, Jesus. i am so angry. i choose to fight with you, because i love people and im damned if i am going to be forced into fighting those who are in the same position as me. I am no better or worse than any of them and we all do our best. how can we be expected to do any more than that?
i know you are stronger than me, but hell has been my home away from home for the last 10 years. Its so familiar to me - i have endured, i have survived. What can you hold above my head now? There is nothing left.
My prayers ask that you bring into my life good people who can support me and that i can also support - human beings who i can see and understand, and who can see and understand me also. i have had enough of this flapdoodlry!
Amen
Dear Jesus,
Firstly, this is not about me. What happened tonight is not about me. Why am i put in a position where i have to fight for my own rights? You have asked me to believe in you with blind faith. I have done this. i have fought for your word. I have believed in you. I have trusted in you. i have put you before EVERYTHING.
Jesus I am really angry with you. How can you let this happen when you know what is important to me? if you ask me it is not humanity who has wronged me tonight - it is you. you made me promises. there is not a doubt in the world about what is the most important to me. and this is good. this is right. this is just.
So how is it that you can just sit there and watch it happen without setting things right. i should not be paying for tonight - whether it be financially, with worry, with my time or energy. This is your problem. You set me an impossible task and then you do nothing to help me.
I know i do deserve good things and sometimes your rules really suck. you just do what you want. you make me want to scream. you say you give us things we dont deserve - well i challenge you. I do not know one human being who has lived on this earth without suffering - very very deep suffering. Every one of us. We are damned if we do and we are damned if we dont. we dont know what we are doing here - all we can do is guess. We ALL deserve good things, yet you put us on this earth together and make us enemies of eachother.
You ask God to forgive us because we dont know what we are doing - well how can we forgive Him, because you three DO know what you are doing? Forgive means to give back - well I give back all my suffering to you, right now. I dont deserve it so you can have it.
For God's sake fix what you have allowed to happen in my life. Give us clear guidance as to how we can stop our suffering - all of our suffering. This is serious for us. This hurts. This is unbearable - how can you leave our lives up to guesswork and fumbling in the dark? God, you are our true father, so protect us so that we can enjoy the beauty of the world. i am hurting tonight. i have hurt enough. And Im not the only one.
Listen to our cries. I dont want to be angry any more. Show me that you are who you say you are and bring me comfort, wipe away my tears and protect those who i love the most against heartache. Allow me to be who i am and give me my just rewards. I deserve good. I deserve good.
i am so angry tonight, Jesus. i am so angry. i choose to fight with you, because i love people and im damned if i am going to be forced into fighting those who are in the same position as me. I am no better or worse than any of them and we all do our best. how can we be expected to do any more than that?
i know you are stronger than me, but hell has been my home away from home for the last 10 years. Its so familiar to me - i have endured, i have survived. What can you hold above my head now? There is nothing left.
My prayers ask that you bring into my life good people who can support me and that i can also support - human beings who i can see and understand, and who can see and understand me also. i have had enough of this flapdoodlry!
Amen
girl, they say to pick your fights
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